i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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