he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
