Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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