she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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