Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
