Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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