i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
