Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
