i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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