she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
