I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My Higher Power is John Stamos
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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