Fine. I'll sleep in my office
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
