the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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