how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
