So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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