Define "chronic" masturbator.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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