Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
