girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
