My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
