Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
