Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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