You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
