Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
