he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
