you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
