I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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