Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were trust falling into bushes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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