I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
