do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
