Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
