What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
