ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
