Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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