remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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