What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
