you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
