then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
