She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
