come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
