Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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