dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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