You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
