you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
honey bunches of taint.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
