I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
