he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
