Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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