I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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