Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
