I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
