I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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