Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I could fuck to npr.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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