So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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