Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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