??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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