he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
