Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
