I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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