so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
