Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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