it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
